Adam doesn't know what to feel. How often has he longed to take back what happened? How much has he agonised over it. Because if he could go back, if he could reverse what had been done, then where would he be now? Would he have found the strength to get up and walk away without that final blow? Would he have managed to protect himself without needing to protect Ronan first? Or would he be worse off? Would his father finally have found a way to have gotten rid of him for good?
Those may be questions that seem like they have no place in the situation now, but to Adam they do. Adam, who is his own man first and foremost, Adam who shoulders everything that has happened to him and uses it to keep moving. Is it the same as allowing medical help? Is it cheating the law of nature? Is he a coward for wanting it so much? )
I --.
( He opens his mouth, closes it. His heart is racing, palms sweaty, mouth suddenly dry. He will not have a breakdown. He will not let his weakness show. Nobody knows. He swallows, angry at himself. )
( cw: child abuse )
Adam doesn't know what to feel. How often has he longed to take back what happened? How much has he agonised over it. Because if he could go back, if he could reverse what had been done, then where would he be now? Would he have found the strength to get up and walk away without that final blow? Would he have managed to protect himself without needing to protect Ronan first? Or would he be worse off? Would his father finally have found a way to have gotten rid of him for good?
Those may be questions that seem like they have no place in the situation now, but to Adam they do. Adam, who is his own man first and foremost, Adam who shoulders everything that has happened to him and uses it to keep moving. Is it the same as allowing medical help? Is it cheating the law of nature? Is he a coward for wanting it so much? )
I --.
( He opens his mouth, closes it. His heart is racing, palms sweaty, mouth suddenly dry. He will not have a breakdown. He will not let his weakness show. Nobody knows. He swallows, angry at himself. )
How did you know?